Missing him...

Have you been hurt before? I mean nothing bout being heartbroken in love or any of those crap..really hurt..the feeling of losing some1 who means the world to you..i did. so  bloody hurt tht the only thing i pray day and night is to be crazy..coz i feel crazy ppl are happy in their own world...right? Don't you think so?dad..I friggin miss you..this is the first Ramadan without you...n it makes me regret being alive at this moment..I passed my osce exam... .but ur not here to see...I miss ur childhood song...I wish u could see what kind of person I m...I think im great..im smart..close to perfect..all thanx to you. .I dont care if anyone reading this think im bragging..this is fact of life..Lastly my fav quote. .living in this city full of fools..im bornt perfect..u know why? Coz my dad is 1 hell of a great man ever..like..ever...

Losing Daddy...

Life is so unpredictable...you might be laughing ur ass out today n d next day u might be crying so hard tht its so hard breath...thts what happened to me...i remember clearly tht night...me n my frenz were crazy..recorfing our version of harlem shake..really enjoyed ourselves like typical teenagers...it was so normal..went to bed tht night n slept off...then the phone rang at 5am..its frm daddy..theyre suppose to go bck kuala lumpur tht day frm jakarta..they went for holliday..i was pissed off obviously..who dare to disturb me sleeping.. my sister was on th line..i thought they forgot their booking number or something..she asked me where was i n all..i still was blurr..n i scolded her..then she say it...'meen..abba(daddy) is in icu..pls come now'..i cud barely hear her in tears..i start breathing heavily...no words could describe how i felt...i asked wat happened n all..but i still cudnt believe my ears..its like..nahh..this cant happen to me..not me..not my abba..i took 8am flight to jakarta...my heart was aching so damn bad..i was praying so hard...then i arrived in d hospital..i saw abba lying there...thats the worst sight ever...just last week we were bullying each other...laughing...playing..now hes there lying..wth is this...why? I really cant hold myself any longer...i just cry out loud...i was too depressed..can u believe it..thts my dad over there!! Not other guy..my dad..its too devastating tht moment...my fmly calmed me down..he was in coma...we brought him bck to malaysia n hes been hospitalized there..every1 came..calming me down..but hey u guys know it wont work...vr talking bout my dad here..the only guy ive loved in my life.. my hero..the man who treat me like a princess..how m i suppose to live...i was praying so hardly for a miracle to happen..but of coz miracles doesnt exist..he passed away after 17 days...by tht time ive already thought of giving up mh evrything..my studies..my life..but then wat will happen to mom..n its my dad's dream to see all his 3 angels to b doctors..trust me tht my only reason living...ive been cutting myself..it makes me happy..yea call me crazy...its been 1 month plus..n im much stronger now..in fact i am a strong girl to start with...ill b there for my mum n sis..ill cheer every1 around me with my smile n laughter n crazyness...no1 wud have any slightest idea tht im actlly very hurt deep inside..i miss him every single day...every1 has to go one day. Its my dad's turn now..next mite be me..or you..ull nvr know...

Doodlezz 2012..Heyy heyyy 2013!

Its 31.12.12...No words to describe how happy and glad i feel.ive been waiting for this day since...god knows when...Heres my farewell sayings for 2012...just get the fuck off...u treated me the worst..ur siblings ( 2011..2010..etc) were nicer to me...who made me loose soo many valuable things..n also ppl..huh!!! a year full with depression...just glad its d end..wonder wat 2013 has to offer me...just dont be mean n harsh like 2012 pls..i dowana go through these shitz nomore..pls pls pls God...make things easier for me...light up my world alrdyyy...i wana enjoy every bit of 2013..pleaseee....bring me all the joy n happiness tht i missed this year..n owh i wana be a billionaire :D n a HOT bf...pls n thank you..but but..most of all..i want to be happy with my family..dowana loose any of them...n then of coz my studies...give me good CGPA..i just wana graduate medical school okayy..im not asking for 4 flat..hmm watelse..owh ya..im so fat..give me the will power to loose weight n be pretty..:)) Nitezzz...x0

P/S - 2012 will NOT be remembered..i shall remove the unwanted memories of events...pplz..n blablabla..

Memoirs of 2012 part 2..

Ive always have this imagination of inspiring ppl and make a diffrence in their life...just a tiny bit wud do..but how?? i dont think im good enough..thts why i like to share my life stories..things tht happened to me and stuffz..so that ppl around the world could read and be inspired as well..So yeah..lets continue what happened after June...as i said evryting was just right..MALAYSIA was right..i cudnt ask for any more hapiness..n yeah during tht time i passed my driving n start driving around..almost got myself n parents killed few times..but i guess was being blessed all the time..the best part was when i accidently hit a  mercedes..not a big bang or wat..its just more like a scratch (huge one actlly) when i was trying to park my car..i thought it would fit in...but well..i proofed myself wrong :) hahaha..thank god no1 was looking...i just grab some stuffz in 7E n buzz off like a boss..of coz i apologize to god n felt guiltyy..thts enough rite..i DID felt guilty after all..holidays ended n i went bck to indonesia starting new semester with new spirit....went bck again to Malaysia 4 my beloved sister's engagement....when im bck things were quite fine..untill i sprained my ankle 1 day..it hurts like shit...swelled up like nobody's bussiness..cudnt walk properly for about 1 week? apply some medication then the swelling went off...after 2 weeks i went bck AGAIN :D since i had quite some days off..i realized something wen i was there..my ankle still hurts abit when i bend it.. it was like 3 weeks since i sprained it..so i went to do Xray n found out i had a chip fracture n i gotta cement it...i dont mind doing tht but how d hell m i suppose to move..i have a flight to catch tht night and an exam on the next day..n my awesome uni was under construction..i gotta climb till d 3rd floor..with stairs! no elevator..so i told tht to d dr n suggest him tht cud i just use an elastic band instead...i literally beg for d xray since its not suppose to be gven to patients...thank god he knows my dad n he knows imma medical student n im gonna need it when im bck..he suggest me to give the xray to a dr here in indonesia n seek for some alternative advise..i was like fine fine i will..but of coz i didnt..i chose to CURE myself with my way..n yea i did xD yeayy mee..it was my bday after tht..simple celebration..before tht something else happened..my bestfren left..theres 4 of us since d 1st day of uni..nothing can come between us..of coz all the others bitches about us..saying vr too modern n stuffz but who cares,,not to brag but vr like million times better thn thm lifeless shits..then she fell in love...with the wrong guy..the guy who wants her to change who she is...the guy who treats her like shit...n the guy who thinks we are bad influence on her...the guy who have no respect on women n their frienship...he doesnt give a shit on his studies..his grades were below stupidity..and all he does is racing with his damn bike which he claims THE BEST with all d bad locals..seriously i dont WOW bikes unless its ducati or harley davidson..so yeahh.. she left for him..it seems we cudnt understand her..thts wat she thinks..she cant see tht we wre just protecting her frm tht monster..we don want her to get hit again..she deserves some1 better...any1 just not him..hmmm..anyway..past is past...im pretty much happy with my life now..3 of us..like how it was during college times...so after this losing a bestie incident life was more peaceful..untill of  coz life will nvr let me live in peace so long..i lost my atm!! AGAINNN!!! for d 2nd time...but this time i din lost any cash..n i know wat i had to do...i settled things quite smoothly..as i said..let the past teaches u a lesson n definitely it did(except 4 d part of me being careless all d time..gotta deal with tht soon) after all these..i went for a vacation with my frens..was a really good 1..n here i am now..writing this blog..telling stuffz bout watever happened to me..din went bck for xmas this time since ive been going bck quite often...n gotta prepare 4 my finalz cmg up..wish me luck peepzz..i surely gonna need tht..X0X0

P/S - so the world din end afterall....like duhhh~~ isnt it obvious enuff it wont..not anytime soon m sure..HAPPY HOLLIDAYS! n HAPPY NEW YEARR

Memoirs of 2012...

So its been quite some time eyh...no worries im alive..been busy with my stuffz..wat u expect..im a medical student afterall..gotta study extra hard...okay im bluffing..just tht im lazy to type out wat was going on actlly...trust me...ALOT had happened to me since my last post...id say this year is just too fucked up to me...lost so many things...including 1 of my bestie 4 2 years...yes..its tragic..she din die or wat..don get that wrong..well lets see..i began 2012 happily..was my cousin's wedding...was bck in my beloved country..evrything went wrong in February..i lost a very important immigration document to stay in the country im studying..its some staying permit..since then it was hell...very simple process but the people here makes things very tough..why wudnt them..things runs in this country by corruption..trust me..i know..i went through enough to realise tht...when i went to the police they said something n when i went to the immigration they said something else..there was me..all alone in this HUGE country..clueless..i tried asking help frm the comitee frm my campus..from their answer..i definitely know tht i cant count on them.. i gotta do this myself..after about 3 months struggling...going up n down bck to the immigration office..wasting my money 4 transportation (noted i don have my own vehicle..imma student..!)..getting scolding n treated like a dog..everything was over..i settled evrything...by that time theres nomore tears left in me..nomore emotions..a week after tht i lost my atm card..n some1 took out quite an amount of cash frm it..can u imagine me tht time?? i sure have no idea how to react...i just smiled n look up...nice 1 god...went to the bank n the officer said i gotta do police report..i was thinking  hell no..i just went there few weeks bck n gotta go again..theyll think im high on alcohol or something for being too careless all the time...and then..the bank officer kinda stare rite to my eyes..i was quite uncomfortable tht time of coz..i don fancy ppl loooking straight into my eyes for more than 5 secs..then some miracle happened..d officer said..u dont need to do police report..ill settle things for you..looks like uve been quite some hell..n ur a girl in a foreignland..must be tough...i was speechless..i swear thats the best words ive heard in my life..yeapp..better thn ppl complimenting me! n better than me scoring for my national exam..after 2 weeks i got bck my atm...and after tht was my sem break..june 14 if im not mistaken..went bck to my country..n thts when i released evrything..shopping like mad...relax like a boss..i started picking up my smiling scills bck..n my little niece was  bornt...i was just too glad evrything was over...at tht time...looking bck wat happened 3 months plus before i bcame more determined...n matured..i know how to handle stuffz..n 1 thing for sure..i became a much stronger person...stronger than ever..n independent..i trust myself..my ability..n im very proud of myslef..3 months sounds just a short time..but when i was going through it..felt like years..centuries maybe..n i realised something else..in this fucked up world im living in...with all bloody selfish ppl around me..there are good ones..who will understand ur pain n lend a shoulder...never judge a community/country by a wholesome..there always good ones and bad ones...thou most of the ppl i meet here are racist but there are good ones tht make this world easier 4 me to live.. So yea thts more like it for d 1st half of 2012...more to come in my 2nd post..cheerz :*

When things get hard...

Woahhh...been a long time since i updated my blog..well..been buzy with studies n problems...seriously..this year have been relly hard on me..got into a major problem due to my carelessness...since 23rd feb..n till now...nothing has been settled yet...im stuck waiting for something to b done...goshh..this is relly hard...i just hope...this will end in a good way...i can wait...but i just want everything to b ok at d end of d day...evry1s telling its alrite...will b fine..cheer up..but i doont need tht..i dont need every1 to say how gr8 things wud work on me..i just need 1 person to prove tht evrything is okay...Im just praying to God to solve things for me coz Hes d only 1 can help me...i know its all my fault..i deserve everything....ive learnt my lesson...hwaaaa~~  :'(


p/s - id rather get dumped 100x then being in dis situation of mine..hmmm..pray for me too

How 2011 treated me??

I started 2011 wid puke...lotz of puke...was feeling sick...remmber my dad took me n my sisters out n went 2 dis resort...yeah at freakin 12 am!! was awesome...some show was going on...but their food finished..:/ n v were super starving...so dad brought us 2 dis shop n ordered lamb chop...chicken chop..n much more..was feeling sick alredy but who cares..i wont get this foods in medan! so yeah..i wallup nicely n the next thing i ran 2 d bathroom n puked...but then i wasnt done...i still wanna eat! n 4 d 2nd time i ran 2 d bathroom but this time..there dis old man gonna enter d toilet..i told him i feel like puking n i cant hold..but he din care..bloody bastard...the next thing when he came out..ive alredy finish puking in front of d  toilet door!! he was like...err n she puked! so after tht,...i sit down 4awhile...but looking at d others eating..i just cant take it...n guess wat...rite b4 i left..i went bck 2 toilet...but it was locked! n i look at d floor...nomore my puke...i  feel bad 2 just vomit again..pity the ppl alrdy cleaned it..so i went 2 d sink...n blast out evrything...i actually caused a clogg at d sink..realizing tht...i just went off...my bad! so yeah..tht was new year...2011 was actually okay...n fun in april..june...july..the date july 14 is actually memorable...march was kinda bored...may passed quite fast..august..sept n oct was just living hell..being in medan..was so damn bored...november was reely good...enjoyed it...december past relly fast...got 2 know few new ppl...some lasted but some just poofed!! like in few days...was relly dissapointed..thts y...4 2012 i wanna b diffrent...im gonna expect less from any1..just stick 2 a  few ppl around me...thts it...n yeah..got 2 b more down 2 earth this year...n owh ya...how i ended 2011?? ended it wid tears..sending away my dearest cousin 2 her hubby..shes married..=)

P/s - i wish 2 have a serious relationship 4 dis year n get married in 6 years time! any1?^_^